I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
