Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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