yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
