i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
