i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
