I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
