Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
