I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
