just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How naked do you want me to be?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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