i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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