That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
