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Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
