Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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