Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
