Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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