i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My balls are so social today.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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