Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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