I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
