I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
