she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
