In the future we'll all be gay
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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