Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
