Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
