Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
