She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
