I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
