forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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