I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
