he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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