Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
