The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
