When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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