Little spoons don't ask big questions
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
