matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
