he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
