Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
