I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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