Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
