she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
