Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
