blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
