Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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