i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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