I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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