Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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