You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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