I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
