you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
