I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
