Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize