i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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