I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize