I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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