He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
