Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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