the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
