i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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