my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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