You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
