every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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