Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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