omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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