They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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