Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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