margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
