I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
