First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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